Deadpool: Agent of chaos
by D-Piddy8256
Summary: Civilain life is never an option for the merc with the mouth, but he has hit a bit of a dry spell in terms of mercenary work. However, a certain goddess decides to point Deadpool in a direction that will let him do what he does best. Also you'll get to know Deadpool and how he came to be. NO FLAMES, crossover worlds will be based on votes. My first fan Fiction so be gentle.
1. Chapter 1

I don't own Marvel Comics or any of the characters, I don't own DreamWorks Animation or any of the references that I mention here. This is my first fan fic so PLEASE DON'T FLAME ME.

There will be a vote for the content of the next chapter, the choices are at the bottom, I hope you enjoy.

BTW

( ) These are for the 1st personality inside deadpool's head. When you see these, he's talking

these are for when personality #2 talks

" " If there's no name attached to it then it's Deadpool talking

Name-" "- Another character talking in the Story

" Civilian life sucks major portions of dick! You can't go from being a soldier one day , to white picket fence , 3 brats and husband to a wife with a flat $$ . It's like what that olf fart from NCIS said , " you never stop being a marine." TRUE DAT! Sadly it's worse for a mercenary. To a merc , civilian life is like cutting of your meat and two veg while watching two girls make out in a pool filled with lime gelatin with family size tub of Vaseline wining at you and saying " Dig in!" with Laura Bailys sexy and boner inducing voice. Did I lose you *sigh* ok, basically all of this cool shit is happening right in front of your eyes. Stuff that people want, or they dream about it and get pissed when others can get it so firkin easily. The thing is , a merc doesn't want civilian life. When you've spent a good portion of your life country hopping killing people for money while meeting bat shit crazy people that will kill you with a smile and an erection, everything else just doesn't measure up. It's like a corn chip without chili to dip it in. Stale and disappointing. So what happens when a veteran returns home from the war, he/she finds their own war to fight? Yes! As for myself, it was pretty easy. The war came to me.

**The portal**

" AND ANOTHER THING, IF I DON'T SEE THE STUFF WITHIN THE HOUR I WILL BLOW YOUR f* ING HEAD OFF RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER WHILE I BANG HER DRIED UP * (&# (" . You don't keep a man that's jonesing for a fix waiting, and when you bring it, I will count that shit. Don't Bogart my stash, with the money I'm paying for it I better see 3 ounces and not a teenth short?" * slams phone and cocks M1911* {BANG, BANG, BANG, }

(What did Siri ever do to you?)

Auto correct for one thing, remember when we set a reminder to hit the hay at 10pm?

"Exactly, next thing you know I'm beating the living daylights out of clay aiken when I should have dosed off with Modern Family playing in the background. "

(*sigh* idiots)

"Whatever"

So when do we get the stuff dude?

"Under thirty or it's free"

( He better remember that we count the pepperonis, no mercy for skimping on meaty goodness)

"I'm kind of hoping he does."

*both* (what) what

"Are you kidding me? Look around us, what else to we have to look forward to except abusing the pizza guy?"

As Deadpool pondered a new way to torture Luke the pizza guy, he couldn't help but give a Terminator overview of his toilet bowl quality apartment. Sitting like a slum lord in his beech wood frame lounger, drinking Keystone brand beer out of a pimp cup , and burping his ABC's, he was living the dream. Shag red carpet covered the mercs floor with remnants of past meals ,bullets and pointy things. The red cedar walls would complement the furniture if it wasn't covered with posters of cosplay chicks with worn out lips (practice makes perfect right?) The proverbial cherry on top was his television set. A 1961 Zenith with a wood cabinet console. Finally after giving the apartment a once over, he finally spoke.

"What the hell are we doing?"

Not eating pizza?

(Forgetting the straw in your pimp cup?)

His attempts to refrain from checking the bedazzled purple chalice were obviously in vain. Examining the cup in his right hand and scratching his temple with the other, he actually realized something that made his eyes shoot out from his mask. Disregarding the lack of a straw, and that it said "The amazing Spiderman" in red and blue bedazzle jewels with a lip smack, it finally came to him.

"YES!, no wait, I'm supposed to have a revelation that my life has been going down the toilet faster than a used condom after a rape."

Did you have it yet?

" ummm, no"

(And lost it in record timing.)

"Throw me a lifeline REGIS!"

(I believe it's Meredith now, no wait, it's Cedric the entertainer)

The Lemur from Madagascar

According to everyone in the room, this needed to be confirmed. Deadpool quickly gulped down the overly dressed Keystone beer, and tuned on the television to "Who wants to be a millionaire." His thumb hit the channel up button in an odd manner.

*beep* *bee da, beep ,Beep*

TWO BITS!

"NAILED IT!"

(I thought I heard the minions from Despicable Me)

The final beep was halted. The tangent had stopped. It's as if the world ad stopped spinning just to say "WTF" because this was a moment for the history books, Deadpool was speechless!

" Ok, it just came to me. Our life has gotten to the point where we spend an entire Saturday night plotting against the pizza dork, actually giving a $$crack's chance in prison about the current host of "who wants to be a millionaire ," and..

Deadpool whipped out his cell phone from his crotch pocket.

"…getting this shot of Wolvy Mc-Short Snikt and Ms. Chocolate rain Storm bumping uglies

Hmm, good point

(That wasn't even a spur of the moment plan; it took us days just to get that money shot)

"AHHH, DAMMIT"

Without hesitation, Deadpool launches the pimp cup across the room and nearly hits Mr. Snookums (Obviously you never played the video game). Grasping his head and swearing up a storm, he just realized that his life has become as predictable as a portal in a crossover fan-fiction. It's been years since he was hired for any mercenary jobs. No one was kidnapping wives, nobody wanted to kill someone at the hands of Deadpool ( apparently everyone grew some balls and did it themselves), Shield ignore his calls, the X-men didn't invite him to their pizza parties, just the fact that they could have pizza parties without "Mutant Hate" being splattered on every TV in America was disturbing. Nothing was happening fast. Deadpool could only sit back down and let Netflix wash over him like every other geek with nothing to do in between conventions.

" Let's just watch the Sons of Anarchy while they still play catch up with the cops, the Mayans , and every other gang making a profit in this god offal one cancer ridden sheriff of a town. "

I'm waiting until the 60 year old biker bitch gets to dry to fuck before I call it quits

(Gemma has turned into Sandpaper Sally, to think she used to be Peg)

"Yet Al Bundy is still plowing hotties on TV."

The click of the remote ended the one sided conversation, well that and the doorbell ringing.

*ding-dong*

"Thought we forgot about the Pizza didn't you reader?"

Jumping out of the chair with a can of super spring in one hand and a rubber chicken in the order, Deadpool's night was finally about to get interesting.

*click*

"FEAR THE CHICKEN…..what the, who are you and please tell me you didn't see the rubber chicken?"

*jaw drops*

(You don't have a jaw to drop)

Let me dream buzz kill

Standing where Deadpool's frustrated and scared pizza boy should be, was a voluptuous dark skinned female , wearing navy blue robes hugging every curb of her body with no room for the imagination, something Deadpool was shocked could happen. The women's jet black hair seemed to have a mind of its own, moving to and fro the corners of the door and moving inside of the apartment. They moved far enough for her face be unveiled. She had smooth grey skin, pale red lips, high cheek bones…..

SERIOULSLY CAN WE GET TO THE STORY, WE GET IT SHE'S HOT. CAN WE PLEASE GET THIS STARTED?

Mysterious women – *smile* "I saw the chicken Deadpool, but I'll just assume that you're happy to see me"

"Oh, that….ummm….Indians have seem to have possessed my suit, and building a Teepee by the looks of it"

Hot women-"If you say so, may I come in?" She put her hands together in a prayer position, but they were slightly tilted to the side in contingent with her face, giving a smile and head tilt a catholic school girl asking for cigarette couldn't pull off.

Dude, she may be a vampire, if we've learned anything from True Blood is that if you let a vampire in your house, sex is inevitable

(Your Television driven logic is sound, let her in and get rid of the chicken)

"Should I keep the super string?"

Possible vampire women-"Beg Pardon"

"By all means." Deadpool opens the door wider and extends his arm further into the apartment. Apparently that is the universal signal or "please come in and smoke crack."

Just when Deadpool thinks he's in for a night of mindless sex ,crack and pizza, the mystery women moves past him in a gaseous blue mist and reforms sitting right on his spot on the lounger.

" umm, okay I can get into this , it's not like I haven't had a night where I get gas"

So women can fart

(I don't smell anything, potpourri has done it again. Women are tricky though because I don't see it.)

"If this is going to happen then I'll need to hit an ATM, or give you the rest of Wolvy's Margarita in the fridge."

Blue Fart women- "What do you think is going to happen?"

The woman doesn't even face Deadpool while in his chair. She sits in the lounger as if she's posing for Playboy's center fold shot. Her legs are draped over the left arm rest with her head resting on the right.

"That I start humping you while shouting "SOOKIE IS MINE" without fail, he squats in a sumo position extending his fist out while acting out Bill Compton's most famous line in True Blood. Honestly his acting was spot on. He played a better Englishman than Orlando Bloom…playing an Englishman.

Laughing women – " Hahaha, oh Deadpool , you've fallen so hard from the grace of chaos that you've succumbed to the encumbering lifestyle of the fallen soldiers. Although…..

She quickly turns back in her gaseous form and moves across the room to a dumb founded Deadpool. Reappearing with one hand on Deadpool's cheek and the other on his chest, using her finger to outline a heart across the mercenary's suit.

…..that's what I like about you, even in this sad state, you are still the World's Jester. Laughing on the outside…

*Gaseous form*, appearing behind him, hands grasping his pecs and her body pressed on his back. She moves her lips right next to his right ear.

….tortured on the inside. I remember when you defeated an entire army of Skrulls. You sprayed bullets up and down

* moving her breasts up and down his back *

..An entire horde of them..

*gaseous form , this time she floated right above his head, grasping Deadpools mask*

…Playing mind games with their leaders." Deadpool immediately swatted her hand back. He couldn't help but feel violated, so he quickly dove for the coach where he hid two TEC-9's full loaded. Cocked an ready, he pointed at what he thought was his target, but pointed only at Mr. Snookums who only farted and barked at the same time. Then he felt something familiar, like a long lost friend, two of them in fact.

*gaseous form, Face to face , breast to pecs*

…and getting them to pull the trigger on their own heads, hahahHAHAHA."

Deadpool was moving his feet in the opposite direction , backing up to the wall, realizing that he was not going to score tonight, and that this was getting very personal very fast with a women that was either a fan , or a higher power playing mind games with him. All Deadpool knew at this point was that she had to go.

Women who is probably full of herself-" you captured the heart of the entity of death" slowly she walks towards him " made one of the eternals envious of your conquest" Deadpool fires of round after round, but it every bullet passed through her and all hit the television…..in the shape of a frowny face.

Dammit, that was supposed to be a smiley face

(Bitches love smiley faces)

"Will you guys SHUT UP!?, this bitch refuses to die and it doesn't seem like she's giving us the thumbs up you mean down WHAT EVER, ideas at all?"

(What do you do when you can't win against an angry Australian on an online fighting game, button mash?)

"Mindless slice and dice"

Katanas, the only time where a knife wins in a gun fight ( watch Man-sers and you'll get it). Deadpool reaches back and pulls his katanas out of their hilts on his back, giving a *snickt* sound that would rival Wolverine's. Lunging with his right foot, then added a kick off with the balls of his feet, he crosses his swords on font of him while heading pointy end first at the women …of gas running out of clever names huh, the women only stared and kept talking of Deadpool's indiscretions

Dead smurf colored women- "You fought a well-established portion of the north Korean army "

oh no

( Oh no she di-int)

" SHUT UP!" as soon as he reached her, the katanas went in the opposite direction , what was left was an invisible X . The women was slightly distorted. She retained her gaseous form as the blades passed right through her. Her smile grew as she decided to stay in position, if only to humor him while she continues to torture him with memories of his past.

..You blew up their base with a snap of your finger, set grenades off inside their bellies, "

Deadpool was getting irritated. Not only was he not silencing this harpy, but she was touching a nerve that he hoped would never resurface again. He turned around and continued his rage fueled onslaught. Striking from above with both blades downward, he landed with only blue vapors clinging to his swords. The left arm sent the katana across her neck. She was still smiling.

…all because they puppet master of that little army, killed your former lover and the child you both made, only to be left by you at the fate of a fiery grave."

(o.o)

( XD)

"…"

All Deadpool could think of, was why this was happening. He pissed off enough people to start a reality TV special called " who's mad enough to kill Deadpool?" This however was a wound that dug deep. His healing factor couldn't save him from this injury, as memories of a sensual night flooded his head. The cries of a child that he never met , nor would ever meet, went through his head, along with what could have been another life . Racing thoughts now poured in, his father burning a cigarette on his neck, a mother on her death bed dying from the very thing that made Deadpool a living cyst, Sabertooth cutting into another blue women that was his only salvation from reality. Weakened by the torrent of repressed memories, he lowered his katanas and stared the women right in the eyes.

"What do you want with me, who the FUCK are you, why do you all of a sudden have a hard on for the shit that I did?"

The women- "Forgive me. Actually no, I had to see it for myself. Your memories haunt you. They rattle inside your head constantly. The stress alone must be torture, so you hide it with your quips and a quick bullet to the head. Although that HYDRA agent that favored the latest Star Wars movies was more of a way to make a point"

" He had it coming, Jar Jar binks is an abomination . Every time he utters a sentence I get a headache in my eye."

The women-" very true, sit down Wade"

They both sat on a couch that was victim to a katana rama incident, regardless the cushions were intact enough to sit and chat.

The women-"My name is Eris, the goddess of discord. I lit the powder keg of the Trojan war by the means a promise of a golden apple that I gave to the Prince , Paris. I could go for centuries about all the fun I've had, but that's not why I'm here"

" Did you at least make any money off that Brad Pitt Flick?

Eris (FINALLY)- " Heh, regardless of what cinema has taught you , that's not how it went. Anyway , what would I do with money?"

"Give it to me for one, you made me literally "bang the shit" out of my TV and I'm sitting on what I once called my other bed when the blow up doll gets pissy"

Eris-" That can be arranged Wade, along with a bonus. I can make all of those awful memories go away .

As soon as she finished her sentence, Deadpool put down his smartphone, sacrifices a life in Candy Crush Saga in the process.

"What?"

Eris " Think about it, you can start a new life. Your perception will go back to what it once was, living in the now and accepting that life is a series of random and chaotic events, all of which you can live out to the fullest. Without being hindered from your past. If you do one favor for me."

We're listening

(We're listening)

"We're listening, oh now you skid marks show up"

Eris- "I know you are aware of the other worlds beyond this one. You have a gift of being able to cross them. "

"Depends who's writing for me at the time"

Eris-"That is what I need from you Wade. There are worlds filled with entities that choose to battle forces that keep chaos alive. These people are upsetting the delicate balance of nature. Chaos is a necessity. Without it, life would be without challenge, hardships; every mouth breather would be content at a life of monotonous tasks and predictable futures. In other words …boring. That's where you come in."

She places her hand on Deadpools chest. The other slowly moves up and down his leg, as if it were to comfort him. It was working.

Eris" I need you to go to these worlds and remind the inhabitants that chaos is eternal, everlasting, and necessary for people to rise up and challenge it. Making better soldiers, weapons, scientific breakthroughs, all in the hope of extinguishing chaos, regardless of it' futility"

"So basically you want me to hop from world to world, throw shit in the fan, all to keep people from being pussies?"

Eris-"Basically, yes"

"And you'll keep your end of the bargain?"

Eris –"you have my word

Her sharpened index finger makes a cross on the spot where her supposed black heart rests

..as a goddess."

" Deal, sure as hell beats the idea I had when you first came here, I was about to play grab ass , but then it'd would look like I was trying to brush away a bad fart with your little trick"

Eris- " Lovely sentiment"

The two shook hands to seal the deal. She explained how she would set up portals that would take him to the worlds he was supposes unleash hell on.

" Portals , really? When did this become your basic cross over fan fiction plot?"

Eris-" This is going to be fun, oh by the way Deadpool, can we do it just once."

"what?"

Eris-" I've seen you do it numerous times. I've never done it before myself and I've always been curious"

"My pleasure, careful because this will get messy"

Eris " Fantastic"

Deadpool reaches into his pants and grabs …a Deadman switch. This was followed by removing the cushion cover off like a tablecloth at a restaurant

"THE FLOWERS ARE STILL STANDING"

The "cushions " were plastic explosives molded to the shape of coach pieces. Deadpool put two metal plates on top, separate of course, and Deadpool and Eris sat on them.

"Ready to ride" Deadpool holds the Dead-man switch in the air, pushing a red button with his thumb to arm it. "

Eris-"Don't keep me waiting"

*ding dong*

Luke-"Umm Mr. Deadpool, I have your pizza here."

Luke opened the door only to find what looked like two nut jobs sitting on the biggest bomb he ever laid eyes on. Deadpool however just rolled with it.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about you , let me get my wallet"

(DON'T DROP THE…)  
DON'T DROP THE…)

*ding* BOOOOOOM

The blast sent Luke ass deep through the wall of Deadpool's former apartment, sending the two chaotic hellions skyward, riding on a pillar of fire. Eris was enjoying it so far, but decided to get things started early. A wave of her hand opened a portal that they both we're heading for. It sucked Deadpool right in, and Eris…she went gaseous again and decided to watch form the side lines on the side walk. Looking up at the sky, she closed the portal, sending Deapool to a Universe that was going to be, ironically, completely random. The anticipation alone was satisfactory. She would now get to watch one of her favorite mortals (kind of) spread the word of Discord.

Eris-"Civilian life never suited you Deadpool. To pre plan an explosion like that, Hah, what civilian would waste their time on such a glorious hobby. You are a soldier of chaos, an agent of discord, and it's time you returned to doing what you do best. Welcome back to the war Deadpool. Oh what fun we shall have."

End of Chapter 1

So the next chapter is completely up to you. The other worlds will be television shows, video games, movies, meme's , whatever. I'm open to suggestions . For right now I want to stick to some common Deadpool Cross over Fanfiction worlds. If you want to leave a review, pick one of the following and I'll write the next chapter based on the world that you voted on.

Worlds

My little Pony : Friendship is Magic.

Teen Titans .

Invader Zim.

Thank you for reading my first fan fic.


	2. Chapter 2

This is Chapter 2 of my series, Deadpool first introduces himself to the Teen Titans. I don't own Marvel or DC.

" My time in the military helped me realize how short life can be, especially when I'm the one ending it. They also taught me that being the first one to fall asleep in your unit *chuckle*, I set myself up for that one, your WELCOME BY THE WAY. Anyhow, being the first to fall asleep after a night of drinking with your unit is never a good idea. That's basically saying " Please torture me because clearly I'm a big ol pussy." Woke up with extra strength whitening Colgate toothpaste on my nipples, my tighty whities filled with Bengay, and a butt crack laced with Icy Hot. *points at nipple* White *Other Nipple* white , *points at crotch* Out of breath, around the corner , red ring of death * Points at $$. Suffice it to say that I never worked well with others, and they HATED ME! I did get even though, I sealed our tent up with duct tape so all the air was trapped, poked a hole through the tape, and let in a nozzle that was hooked up to a helium tank, poked another hole on top so it could escape, because they would have dies otherwise, see I'm not as stupid as people think I am. So what ended up happening was an entire hour of them sleeping before role call , in a tent filled with helium. HAHAHHAH! You would've had to have been there, but let me give you an analogy, imagine watching the first scene of Full Metal Jacket and Gunnery Sergeant Hartman was Alvin the Chipmunk. After the whole Department K Weapon X Canadian bacon blah blah yawn, I've tried my best to work alone. Yet somehow I ended up befriending my weapons dealer, having an agent of HYDRA as a pet, and finding mother figure in an old British bat (she was blind) that I was hired to kill. Freud would have a field day with me when he's not dipping into his nose candy. The only thing they've done is provide me with some much needed entertainment after my neighbor found out I was stealing his cable. Other than that, they get in my way .Bottom line, 1. Friends make you weak 2. Teammates will single you out if it means saving their own ass 3. If someone wants to be your friend, shoot them in the head or make like Garfield the Cat and put them in a box marked TO: Abu Dhabi From : Yo Mama. "

Chapter 2

No need for a mercenary!

Jump City California, home of the Teen Titans. A metropolitan area that would rival New York City. Numerous tourist attractions are riddled across jump city, including the giant T building sitting on its own little patch of land on the Pacific Ocean. This was the home of Jump City's protectors. Robin, former sidekick to the great detective Batman, Starfire ( Koriand'r) , princess to the planet Tamaran in the Vegan system, Beast Boy, A shape shifting jokester, Cyborg, Bionic enhanced human automaton, finally Raven, the half human/demon spawn of Trigon. Together they were the Teen Titans, defenders of Jump City and consumers of ….

Everyone: PIZZA!

The titans sat at their kitchen island/table enjoying the pizza they had just picked up. They would of have had it delivered if it weren't for the plethora of veritable deviant ingredients you wouldn't put on actual food rather than pizza. There were three pizza's total, each getting 3 slices. However the last three, I'll let them tell you

Robin: *munch* Hey Star, did you end up getting on your half?

Starfire: *chew, swallow* Oh this is an earth masterpiece of the culinary arts. Grey Poupon Spicy brown mustard, a layer of French's Honey Mustard, and sprinkled with the seeds of mustard. Would you care for a slice friend Robin?

Robin couldn't help but feel flattered that she would share one of her guilty pleasure with him. His cheeks heightened along his face and a smile that would make any women green with envy, for Starfire had captured his heart from the day she joined the team. Robin would do anything to keep her happy, but dying from a mustard induced blood clot at 17 years old was not something on the "things I'd do for Starfire list.

Robin: No thanks Star*Blush*

Starfire: Very well, may I ask why you're experiencing curiosity? Would not death become of the cat?

Raven: (monotone, obviously) you mean that curiosity killed the cat, it's an expression Starfire, not a death sentence *munch*

Beast boy: That's an idiot right?

Raven: *facepalm* Idiom, however you gave a perfect example of what an idiot would say.

Beast boy: Idiot says What?

Raven : What

Beast Boy and Cyborg: NAILED IT *high five*

Robin: Anyway, before I was interrupted….

Beast Boy:MOOOO!

Robin: AHHHH!

Robin falls off of his stool , looking up at what appeared to be a green cow.

Robin: BEAST BOY!

Beast Boy: Dude , that was perfect.

Starfire *giggled* I admire your gusto for the telling of the jokes, but what does the "Moo" translate to? Is that not the line of punch?

Cyborg: That was the new version of a classic knock knock joke Star.

Robin cringed when cyborg uttered the pet name he had given Starfire.

Starfire: How does it work?

Robin: I'll take it here, *pretending to knock on a door with his hand* Knock Knock.

Now you say" who's there?"

Starfire: Oh I see, you are imitating a door and I am on the other side, *Teehee* Ah hum, Who is there

Robin: An interrupting….Portal

Robin's eyes averted his attention from Starfires emerald green eyes, to the gaping hole that appeared just north of their building, however it was slowly increasing its radius to the size of the island. Lightning sparked from all sides of the portal, inside was a mass of black and purple emptiness that engulfed a good portion of the sky, it created a slight eclipse that shrouded them in darkness.

Beast Boy: Robin, please tell me you created that in an attempt to upstage me and my hilarious cow joke.

Robin: Only you would go that far for a joke, but this is something I couldn't fathom.

Raven: AHHH, raven doubles over in pain. She lies on the floor in a near fetal position with a look of despair across her pale face. What once was an expressionless veil of white flesh, now housed a look of expression that enveloped every negative emotion.

Starfire rushes to aid her friend

Starfire: RAVEN, what is wrong, are you injured?

Raven: No star, I feel a dark presence is approaching us. That portal was created by someone, or something with incredible powers. Portals created by magic have a limit to where they can transport the caster, this feels like it came from somewhere other than our galaxy. *shiver*

Robin: Ok, we need to set up a perimeter around the island. We need to assume that whatever comes through that portal is extremely powerful and I want us to be ready if it has malicious intent.

Cyborg: I'll get the T-Ship ready

Robin: No time, just keep your communicators on. Whatever comes out will need a place to land. If anyone gets near its location then contact us on this party line and will come over. Titans GO!.

Starfire and Raven both flew out of the window, heading separate ways on the outskirts of the island. The foot bound titans used the elevator to get to the ground floor. Once they arrived, they immediately separated to all comers of the island. Rain and lighting had descended upon the island, clearly influenced by the magic overtones of the portal .Robin had readied his Bow Staff, and pulled out his communicator.

Robin: Cyborg, I can't get see anything through this rain. Can you do a thermal scan on the portal and check if something is coming by, I want to know what it is and where it's landing.

Cyborg: The where and what I can do, the how is my favorite part.

Cyborg was always equipped to handle any situation. 102mph winds, rain drops that feel like ice, darkness encumbering the island. "Perfect time to show off my new specs", cyborg thought. His left eye turned from crimson red, to "Raven" pale grey, it enhanced his vision by amplifying what light was available as well as determining hot points from a distance at an exact reading. The whiter an object was, the more heat was radiating. Mind Blown.

Robin: narrow your search when you find something given off a trace of heat. If it's within the range of 96-99 degrees F I'll then we can focus on what's coming and prep accordingly.

Cyborg : On it

Cyborg focusses his gaze towards the center of the portal. The ominous vortex was almost hypnotic. An array of black and blue colors were moving in sync with the pattern of a whirlpool in a bitch black ocean.

Cyborg: I GOT SOMETHING, it's coming in hot. 98.6 degrees, 10,000 meters away.

Beast Boy: FOR THE LOVE OF GROUND TOFU MAN SPEAK ENGLISH!

At this point Beast Boy was green with anticipation…pun intended. His latest theme in his video game collection has been a variety of Zombie Apocalypse plot lines. Call of Duty: Black Ops had a special multi player theme with Zombies escaping from a portal. How apropos , but Left 4 Dead is what curbed is enthusiasm of experiencing a zombie apocalypse….that and The Walking Dead series on AMC.

Cyborg : It's about 6 miles away , at the speed it's going it'll pass the entrance in 4 minutes and hit the pavement in 4 and a half. THIS AIN'T A BIG WINDOW OF OPPROTUNITY PEOPLE. PUT YOUR GAME FACES ON!

Robin: Starfire, fly towards the epicenter of the portal, stay level and don't go any higher.

Starfire: Ten and four!

Robin: Cyborg, is it humanoid?

Cyborg: 4 limbs, 1 head, 98.6 degrees. Something's not right, at speed this dude is going in this weather, he should be one big snowflake by now, but everything is reading at normal temp, except for his noggin, that's darker than the portal he's bolting out of.

Robin: Titans, we have a body. I don't think he…or she made it.

He only had a few minutes to ponder.

Robin: Cyborg, coordinate Starfire on where the body's trajectory will most likely take em. Raven, get ready with your healing magic. If we have the slightest chance of saving them…then I say we take it. Beast Boy, get a vantage point on the Tower. Tell me the moment it passes through the portals entrance. At that time we'll have 30 seconds before it hits the ground. Titans GO!

Raven teleported right next to Robin, pulling out her spell book just in case. Beast boy turning into a Gorilla and climbed the tower as fast as he could. Cyborg was ready to navigate Starfire.

Cyborg: Ok ….I can see it….Starfire, park yourself 30 feet to your left.

Starfire: Affirmative!

It was the Tameranian girl against the wind at this point…except

Cyborg: NOT MY LEFT GIRL, YOU'RE LEFT!

Starfire: Oh my, I APOLOGIZE!

Changing directions in mid-flight, Starfire did her best to fight the winds and oncoming debris of trees, rocks, rain. She finally positioned herself in accordance with Cyborgs directions.

Beast Boy: I SEE IT!

Robin: STAR DO YOU SEE HIM?

Starfire: YES!

Robin: Get under him and match your speeds. We don't want him snapping in half on your arms.

Starfire: That would be most unpleasant, Ok I can see him.

Starfire decreases her altitude as the body is propelled out of the portal.

Starfire: I'VE GOT HI….

Deadpool: GEEERRRONNNNNIIIMOOOOOOO!

The body in question, went from a flaying limp ragdoll, into a nose dive position as if he jumped off of a diving board. With that, a red streak dashed right by Starfire.

Starfire: …IM?

Robin: STAR, WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?

Starfire: I am just as confused as you are Robin, while I was descending, well, he just moved on his own and avoided me.

Robin: WHAT!?

Deadpool was on cloud nine, then cloud eight, seven six…..

Deadpool : O beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of..*SMACK*!

*French accent* 12 hours later.

*beep* *beep* *beep*

Deadpool : *YAWN* OH man that was a good nap, I feel like eating till I pass I'm tired and then sleep till I'm hungry

*The saga continues*

( Food after a freefall like that? Remember what happened at Six flags after the Steamin Demon?)

Deadpool: I do , and so do the people who were behind me on that ride. How was I supposed to know that you can't eat a hot dog and go on a roller coaster without wearing it?

*umm don't look now , but I think we have an audience*

Deadpool: *twists head* What?

( It's opposite day apparently )

There was an alarm that triggered as soon as Deadpool's heart beat was at 120/80. His healing factor was delayed due to the cold weather. It was doing all it could to keep his temperature at a normal rate. When he alarm sounded , the Titans gathered to the medical quarters of the Tower. It was there that Deadpool was in a hospital setting , complete with a morphine drip, television etc. He was resting on light blue sheets wrapped around a crude yet comfy mattress with matching pillow cases. Deadpool however noticed something was missing. His guns, pouches, katanas, his suit….

Deadpool : Wait WHAT!?

Deadpool looked under his sheets, and saw that he was as bare when his mother ejected him from her special place, but not only that, his tumors, wounds , scars, were all healed . Leaving only skin with the added bonus of the striations of his muscles.

Deadpool: A mirror….

The Titans were looking at their patient from a one way mirror so he Deadpool couldn't tell if they were there, but he knew. Which is why he asked for

Deadpool:*shouting* A MIRROR!

Obviously they knew that they were spying, so Beast Boy put down his bucket of popcorn and grabbed a mirror form the bathroom. He opened Deadpool's room door, expecting some verbal abuse , but Deadpool was oddly silent. So without hesitation he gave Deadpool the mirror. Grasping it with his left hand, he saw that he was still wearing his mask.

Robin: *intercom* We're familiar with secret identities, so we respected your right to privacy, *chuckle* even though we thought you were pushing daisies there for a while*chuckle*

Even the Boy Wonder was nervous, for he saw a man fall from an incredible distance, and plummet to the island floor. Deadpool had turned into a water balloon of flesh, blood and bones wrapped in a spandex suit. Both of his femurs were the first to pierce through, sticking out like a flayed rack of lamb that was freshly killed. Organs were scattered across the impact zone, with the pieces making a perimeter around his former body. The blood pattern alone would make Dexter Morgan cream his pants. It looked more like a ketchup bottle that acted like a rocket leaving a large exhaust stain when it took off, or should I say exploded. The worst, was his face. Since he decided to do a nose dive, that was the first body part to impact the island, more specifically a rock. Deadpool's mandible caved in towards the axis and atlas of his spine. Several teeth were ejected from their sockets upon impact. Robin had regretted to be the first one at ground zero, he'll never get the sight of Deadpool lifting what was left of his head, without the convince of a lower jaw, his tongue hung down like a pink and red necktie. What happened next prompted the boy wonder to halt his team from approaching. Deadpool's trademark healing factor was already at work reassembling himself. Some digits were in fact missing, so he consciously replaced them with newly regenerated fingers. A trick that he performed at bars when he would make bets on how long it took to regenerated a finger he cut off. In less than a couple of minutes, the only thing that proved Deadpool had endured a free fall was his mangled suit. After replaying the event in his head, Robin finally spoke up.

Robin:*intercom* One of our teammates attempted to heal you, even after you put yourself back together. You had numerous scars, so we treated whatever had happened before you *with quotation fingers* dropped in*

Starfire:*whisper* ROBIN, we are in the medical quarters , I do not believe this is the time to make the situation go upwards, regardless of how funny it was *snicker*

Robin: Star, If you saw what I saw…..you'd be a little but on edge as well.

Deadpool had finally removed his mask…what was revealed was a face from the past. His hair had regretted to its burnt orange color, medium, spiky, short on the sides. This sat on a diamond shaped head, with a full set of pearly white teeth and a square jaw.

Deadpool: My face, MY B- E – A UTIFUL FACE IS BACK, BOOYA!

Cyborg: Heh, I'll let this one slide. Guy falls from over 30,000 feet and all he's happy about his that his face is still intact.

Raven: ….something is wrong about this guy.

Starfire: You mean besides him giving friend Beast Boy the noogies of celebration.

From inside Deadpool's room

Beast Boy: OWWW, BRO! I'm happy for you that you're psyched about your hair, but if you keep doing that, you'll start a fire in mine!

Deadpool: I'm just so HAPPY! I feel like a twelve your old that just discovered the art of *BLEEP.* ….the *BLEEP* was that?

From this point, Deadpool stopped his assault on Beast Boy's Scalp, to which Beast Boy had morphed into a snake and managed to escape the headlock.

Beast Boy : What are you talking about bro?

Deadpool: *jaw dropped*

*seriously dude, enough with the jaw references*

( We eat from there!)

Deadpool: Did you just turn into a snake?

Beast Boy: *nods yes*

Deadpool: Dude, * starts to ponder*

*Do it*

( Can he?)

Deadpool: Turn into a Playboy bunny with an extra breast and a ba donk a donk that would make an onion cut itself.

Beast boy: *blush* WHAT? I can't turn into other people.

Deadpool: Which is why I said BUNNY! Haven't you ever seen an anime harem show. Cat girls, Bunny girls, and ANTENNA GIRLS.

*oh my*

(Thank you George Takai)

Robin: *intercom* Excuse me, don't put those ideas in my teammates head. Anyway, since this is by law a medical institution, we need to monitor you for 24 hours.

Deadpool: NO WAY DUDE, I just got my face back, so the only thing I'm doing is hitting the streets, troll for mall booty, and find the nearest Chipotles.

*Dude, the mission. What about causing some chaos*

(Eating Mexican food, with our metabolism we'll be turning….whatever city this is into a giant Dutch oven)

Robin: *intercom* you obviously hit your head on the way down.

Deadpool: TOTALLY *holds up a sign with the number ten on it* *BLEEP* Nailed it

Beast Boy: *snicker* Dude that was perfect! HAHAHH!

Robin:*intercom* Regardless, we need to monitor you to see if you sustained a concussion. Now, we'll give you some privacy so you can put on the medical gown. It's on the seat next to you. After that I need to have a talk with you.

Deadpool: *pout* FINE!

*French accent "1 hour later*

Robin: *intercom* Ok, if you want you can come out of the room. We're ordering pizza in a minute if you want to give tell us what your topping of choice is.

Deadpool hops out of his bed and headed towards the door, marveling at the "Star Wars" WHOOSH sound effect it made. He could hear the sounds of the other titans, so he headed that way and decided to announce his order.

Deadpool: GET ME INE WITH EXTRA SAUSAGE!

At this point, Deadpool had stood at the entrance to the living room hands at his sides while he announced his topping, wearing his medical gown…, but something was off

Cyborg: AHHH, Come on man, you're wearing your gown with the open part in front.

Deadpool: I know, I don't want people to see my butt, DUH!

Robin: *face palm, talking through gritting teeth* you could have at least put your boxers back on, those were intact after your fall.

Deadpool: True, but then I couldn't do my sausage joke.

*rimshot*

Beast Boy was a naturalist at heart, so he looked past Deadpool intruding "Mr. Elephant" and decided to walk up to him and shake his hand.

Beast Boy: Let me just say that was hilarious! I'm Beast Boy, but most people just call me BB. Pleasure!

Deadpool decided to indulge the green imp and extend

*poor choice of words writer*

Grrr! He "offered" his hand with a firm grip and shook

Deadpool: Pleasure all mine and don't you forget it. * Pulls boxers behind back and slips them on* My name is Deadpool, but everyone calls me …..Deadpool. Umm. You know what, I've got my old face back so you can call me Wade.

Starfire had never met someone as eccentric as Deadpool before. Admitting to herself, she couldn't help but chuckle at every pun and asinine before Deadpool portrayed. So when he introduced himself, to her that gave the green light for a hug.

Starfire: GREETINGS NEW FRIEND, I am Starfire* flies over and pulls Deadpool in a Hug*

*DUDE, the orange chick digs us*

(She's a tall drink of water for sure….well …..Tang would be the more appropriate beverage)

Deadpool: *Gasping* nice to meet you …but *cough* I have this nasty oxygen habit so could you let go!

Starfire released her grip.

Starfire: I do apologize…..Wade!

Deadpool: It's cool

Cyborg stood up from the coach and decided to follow in his teammates.

Cyborg: Sup buddy, the name is Cyborg

Deadpool: I can't imagine why!

They decided to give each other an odd array of hand gestures that seem to form a hand shake. This particular one was taught to individuals who ate the spicy buffalo wings of the ghost pepper eating contest held at the parking lot of every Chipotle restaurant during Cinco De Mayo.

Cyborg: I KNEW IT, as soon as you mentioned Chipotles, I could tell you ate the ghost with the most

Deadpool: True dat, nearly killed me and gave me gas to the point where If I did die, some Scottish dude could've used me as a bagpipe to my own funeral

(rimshot )

Beast Boy : HAHAHAHHA!

Deadpool glanced over to the coach where he saw Robin glance at him. He knew by process of elimination that it was him on the intercom.

Deadpool: Well spank my butt and call me an abused child, if it ain't Peter Pan

Robin: *twitching eyebrow* my name is Robin.

Deadpool walked over and grabbed Robins hand with both of his and shook him furiously

Deadpool: Whatever dude, I loved you in Once Upon A Time.

Deadpool looked over at the last member of the team in the kitchen area making herself a cup of herbal tea.

Deadpool: Let me just take a poky stab at it…..you're …The Cape?

Raven: no.

Deadpool: hmm….Pale ale?

Raven got a little irritated when he just compared her skin tone to a beer

Raven: No.

Deadpool: ummm…OH..EDGAR ALLEN HO!

Raven: NO! MY NAME IS RAVEN!

Deadpool: Ahh man, so close.

After exchanging names, the group decided to wait for the pizza to arrive. Robin couldn't hold back the detective inside of him. The invasive questions piled up in his head, so he decided to indulge.

Robin: Listen Wade, I have to ask. How come you're not pushing daisies right now?

Deadpool: You mean how come I'm not dead as Good Friday.

Cyborg: Feedin the worms.

Beast Boy: Kicked the bucket.

Raven: Singing in choir

Starfire: Purchasing a farm land.

Everyone: *facepalm*

Deadpool: *looks over at Robin* Well you were there, truth be told I'm what some would call a mutate. I have a healing factor that would make Wolverine say " Uh, I totally wish I had Deadpool's healing factor bub."

Beast Boy: Who's Wolverine?

Deadpool: Oh yeah, I forgot this wasn't Marvel. Anyway, I was the lab rat in an experiment to make a human weapon, so a bunch'a government big wigs spliced my DNA with someone who could heal from any wound. Truth be told they smelled desperation on me since I had cancer. They said they could cure me, which they did, but I didn't behave well with the rest of the group and they sent me to a facility where I was ….let's just say that there was a reason you saw so many scars on me. That's when the healing factor kicked in.

Everyone was shocked at the fact he could describe his ordeal with batting an eye. He told everyone about Dr. Kill Brew and how he tortured him at the Weapon X facility for failed experiments.

Cyborg: Man, and I thought I was a failed experiment.

Starfire tried her best to hold back her tears, especially after hearing about how Deadpool had killed one of Killbrew's patients to end his suffering.

Starfire: Oh my goodness, *sniff* I can't imagine what you had to go through.

From there, Deadpool received another Starfire signature hug.

*please tell me she's over 18*

( 16 will get you 20 no matter where you are)

Deadpool: Not that I mined, but I have to ask…how old are you?

Starfire: I am 17 of the Earth years, why do you ask?

*SCORE*

( *Final Fantasy Fanfare*)

Deadpool: THANK YOU.

Deadpool returned the hug with the added bonus of copping a feel of Starfire's butt.

Starfire: EEEEP! Is this a normal form of emotional expression where you come from?

Deadpool: Let's just say "yes" and let me dream.

Robin was mad as hell, so was the Batarang that he instinctively through at Deadpool's hand.

Deadpool: OWWW, dude what the *BLEEP, * come ON! Why can't I say *Bleep,* *Bleep* and *BLEEP?*

*look above you dude*

Deadpool: *looks up* oh for the love of

( Y7, I'm surprised they let you get away with groping the "orange grove")

Robin: Ok , time to fess up, what are you doing here? You don't just fall from a portal without some kind of intent. Our own magic expert told us that that it had to of been made from another world , so that means you meant to come here. If you had to make a portal, you must have come here for a serious reason. Start TALKING!

The Titans were shocked Robin went to for the kill shot, but they realized that he had a point. Who comes out of a magic portal across universes to ask where the nearest Chipotle's is located? The team stood in defensive positions , including Starfire. Deadpool finally fessed up.

Deadpool: Ok, ya got me. To be honest …..I …HOLY CRAP IT'S YOUR ARCH NEMESIS *Points behind Robin*

Robin: SLADE*turns around*.

Without a moment to laugh about how gullible the young detective was, Deadpool made a dash to the elevator. His instincts told him that the "jig was up." He had to get out of there as soon as possible.

*you just had to grab her $$*

(In a Y7 universe, you might as well of held a sign that said "I'm a bad guy, arrest me before I start some S* T!)

Deadpool: okay so I jumped the gun a bit.

Robin: TITANS GO!

All five titans followed Deadpool. Beast boy had morphed into a jaguar to intercept Deadpool before he made it to the elevator.

Deadpool: HAH, Welcome to the jungle Kitty, I've got an appetite for destruction

Beast boy pounced on Deadpool, knocking him on his back. Except Deadpool grabbed Beast boy's paws on the way down, while kicking him in the stomach. He tucked his neck in and rolled backward, extending his leg into Beast boy. This flung the changeling across the room. In response Deadpool reached behind his back and pulled out a weapon that had three chains, attached in the middle, with three weighted balls at the end. Deadpool flung it at Beast Boy in midair, aiming it at his neck. When Beast Boy hit the wall he morphed back into his human form, unaware of the chained weapon heading for him. It instantly wrapped around his neck, and as soon as it was done, the balls hit his neck and released a knock out gas. Starfire immediately sent a wave of green bolts his direction. Deadpool dis numerous back hand springs that made him avoid a direct hit and instead, the green bolts hit the floor. Knowing that her attacks missed, she balled up her fist and flew straight towards Deadpool. Deadpool let his knees down and ducked. Starfire flew over him, but not before…..

Deadpool: *reached hands out* SQUKEEKAH!

Pin point accuracy, Deadpool grabbed Starfire's breast while imitating a squeak toy noise.

Embarrassed, Starfire put her arms over her breast, but forgetting to look out for Beast Boy, and ended up flying right into him mid knock out.

Deadpool: Totally worth It.

The other titans saw him escape into the elevator, wondering why he chose an isolated location. They only had one elevator and knew that they we're on the top floor. Raven teleported Robin and Cyborg to the ground floor where the elevator had arrived. As soon as the *ding* rang and the doors opened, Robin faced palmed his head. Deadpool left them a note taped on the inside railing of the Elevator.

Deadpool's note

Dear Barely Legal Brigade, thanks for your hospitality, but I'm a busy man. By the way, I made use of your elevator directory you "geniuses" posted on the inside door and found out the evidence room was the next floor down. Thank you for keeping my weapons warm, and fixing my suit was a real treat. Hopefully you discovered this letter by the time the elevator hits the ground floor, and you noticed that I escaped through the ceiling hatch and let the elevator go down without me. In case you haven't put it together yet, I ESCAPED!

Love, The merc with the mouth , Wade. . DEADPOOL!

The Next Chapter will have more action as Deadpool finally visits Jump City.


	3. Chapter 3: Deadpool Meets Jump City

"Ever eat a bug covered green goop that your "friend" picked up and told you to eat? YUP, I was THAT kid. Everyone promised to be my friend, or give me complements, even money, if I did a bunch of stupid shit to make them chuckle. It's like those kids were the crew from Jackass , and I was their stunt double. You're probably thinking "what kids," ….exactly, but I'll tell you why later. After my parents died, the state in all of their good hearted intentions ( Sarcasm, live it learn it love) I was sent to an orphanage. These were the kids that that no one wanted. Passed around more times than a joint in California on 4/20 during "Burning Man." Apparently they had a meeting that I wasn't invited to, and decided that I'd be their punching bag. 6 bruised ribs, 2 broken, and a collapsed lung later, you would that I earned their trust and respect…..I was a naïve little shit! The worst of them all was Brad, chubby little kid with chubby little cheeks that make you want to stuff your nuts in his mouth for winter. For a time I thought that pee flavored food was on the menu, it was a shit hole and the state didn't help with the bills, so I thought this is just low quality food, until I tried some of Brad's when he wasn't looking, the kid pissed in all of my food. He went on a food terror bender when he poured boiling hot fudge on the back of my neck, made me do a belly flop in the ol swimming hole, struck me with the lead pipe in my room (We weren't playing CLUE folks, the lead pipe is NOT a lie), and choked my pet monkey to death in front of me. One day….he told me that he was just "acting out ," I was surprised he knew what that was….or maybe his therapist told him that and he just repeats it when he does stupid shit, thanks Doc you raised a Parrot! Anyway, he wanted to be my friend. I was desperate enough for one, and that maybe he'd tell the other kids to stop bullying me, so I agreed. According to him, friends rob liquor stores together. Remember I'm a kid in this, so yeah I agreed. There was one night in particular, Brad's FAT FOLDS, tripped the alarm in a store that we were looting. The owner had bad eyesight, was a redneck, and had a shotgun, triple threat! Someone was getting shot, luckily for Brad, I was there so he could use me as a shield…..it took the doctors a week to get all the buckshot out of my body. Long story…well..let's just call this a summary, friends don't make life any better. Trying to get them to like you is a wasted effort that only labels you as their pet. If you become bad ass enough to have people do shit for you , don't fall for it. The only joy that I got from those little cheese dick spawns of Satan, was when I showed up with an M-16 assault rifle…they didn't even notice me when I held it in the living room. I didn't shoot them if that's what your wondering. The joy that I got was when I hid the gun in a crawl space, and knowing that at any time I could kill them all. And that's how I got my first job…..You don't talk much do you? After talking about my parents and childhood I thought you'd bring up Freud, Oedipus complex, or at the very least say penis envy….no not me…everyone is jealous that they don't have MY PENIS. Thanks to endowments, drinks now come in small, medium , large, and …MY PENIS. Don't be surprised if it taste like pee though, yup, Brad taught me how to make um. "

**Chapter two part 2:**

_The game is afoot, and how many little piggies are left when they go WEE WEE WEE once I pop em off?_

Jump City docks

?: "uhhh, jeezum crow. " a drowsy Billy Numerous finally awoke from his slumber. However, he wasn't sleeping on his bed made from the stacks of $100 dolor bills he stole from the Jump City National Bank. Instead …

Billy: " Dang it! Feel like some un put a can of pop in my dome and dropped two Mentos."

When he was about to hold his head from the pain, he realized he couldn't. He was bound by leather straps in a red oak chair, as were his ankles, his neck, and waist. All Billy could do was sit and wonder where he was, who did it, and why…suddenly Billy had an epiphany.

Billy: " Did some un guess my birthday present? WOO hot dang man! Gizmo you sly devil…*silence* oky doky *silence* turn on the lights right naw, kinda waiting for Jinx to show up doing the Dance of the Seven Veils, HAH, tell me you done forgot the veils * silence*

Sweat started to pool in his red spandex. Every smart allek remark was just an attempt to ease his mind and believe that things will be ok, their fruit however was getting bitter by the minute.

Billy: " WHAT IN TARNATION ARE YA JACK WAGONS PULLIN, CAUSE IT SHO AIN'T MY LEG?"

*silence*

*click*

A spotlight appeared right before Bill. It was a flat screen TV, but all that was showing was static.

Billy: " Great, the "static channel, *yelling* COULD YA AT LEAST PUT IT ON DUH STATIC CHANNEL WIT DUH BLURRED PORN? "

Then Billy shut his mouth , when an image was displayed on the TV.

? " Hello William, I want to play a game.

Billy:"AH HELL NAH!"

Now the light clicked in his head, for once.

? " By now the chlorophorm should be wearing off, so listen well. You pride yourself on having the ability to create duplications of yourself. Extradimensional Mass Acquisition, that's your talent. You can create mass from nothing , in this dimension, a task that is scientifically impossible. However, you squander that power to acquire riches from those who have earned talents through hard work discipline. Now you will have that same opportunity.

*click*

Light illuminated what appeared to be a cargo holding facility. Blue metallic walls with red roofing , however there wasn't a crate in sight. Just Billy in a chair, held on by a chain, hover over a pedestal with an item on top of it. Billy looked around, and noticed that he was being held in a large prison of what appeared to be made from plastic walls. He was right in the middle, however he could see anything below him, just the television that hung with him as well.

?: " Below is an acetone peroxide bomb with a primer that is sensitive to touch. When the clock starts, your chair will continually be lowered until it hits the detonator. That will put you in direct contact. However, I there are devices on all corners of your cell. Each with a button , that once pushed simultaneously, will stop the chair , unlock your restraints , and the exit door as well. So, it's time to put your talent to good use, but, can your doubles move in sync, and be able to use their minds to solve the tasks an release you? I know that your consciousness can be transferred to one of them, so as an added bonus, the explosive is also surrounded by jars of ball bearings. The interesting part is that your prison is made from a high sense polymer. Able to withstand the force of the explosion, and send the ball bearings bouncing through your doubles within seconds, not enough time to transfer your consciousness Billy, live or die, let the game begin.

*Buzzer*

A timer appeared on the television , 2 minutes . 120 seconds to complete the game. Instinct took over , as Billy created 4 duplicates and each of them knew where to go. The four corners.

Billy #1: *running towards north east* " What the hell's bell's."

He saw another plastic container, with the button inside on a table. There were also two holes , parallel, and about the diameter of an average arm to be able to pass through, with an eye scope above them. Billy was overjoyed that a simple task was given. He rushed over and placed his hands through, at the same time looking through the scope to guide his hands to be ready and push the button. Instead of seeing the inside, he saw writing. He couldn't help but read it.

Billy #1: " uh let's see(irony) In mah vision at night I looked, and there before me were the four winds of heaven churning up the *snikt* AHHHHHHH. "

Two spikes went through he eyes before he could finish, the wholes tightened around his arms, he couldn't escape and couldn't grasp his now bleeding eyes.

While this was happening, Billy#2 went North west. From a distance he could see a gothic like throne. Upon reaching it, there was a note…

*STRIP AND HAVE A SEAT*

Time was of the essence, so he immediately disrobed his red spandex and sat down on the thrown. A hole appeared from his seat just wide enough for his testicles to drop , another note was inside , so he reached in and grabbed it, from there the note stated .

"Son of man, this is what the Sovereign LORD says to the land of Israel: "'The end! The end has come upon the four corners of the land!"

Chains flew from the inside the thrown, trapping the young lad by the waist, and from the previous hole , a swarm on ants had surfaced and began to eat Billy alive, starting with his exposed sex organs first. What laid past the ants however, was the 2nd button.

Billy #2 : " AHHH, DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN"

The third Billy happened upon a container of what looked like water. It was large enough to be considered a kiddie pool. On the rim was a note.

"The angel answered me, "These are the four spirits of heaven, going out from standing in the presence of the Lord of the whole world."

Billy #3 saw the third button at the bed of the pool, so he reached in to see if he could get it. Bad choice. Sulfuric acid has a penchant for looking like water in a pool with a light blue background.

Billy #3: " AHH, Whistlin bitch! Dis nut bar expects me to come out of dis alive? I'll be dead in dis pool before I can reach dat, I guess I'll go fo it when one of dem gives the thumbs up. "

The last Billy duplicate had reach the final corner. A wooden frame with 4 hollow tubes of PVC piping coming out. Billy duplicate , despite their creators own idiocy, knew that the button was in one of the tubes. He could only assume that something was going to happen to his arm if he should try and search for it. Then he spotted a note hanging from the one on his left.

" After he has arisen, his empire will be broken up and parceled out toward the four winds of heaven. It will not go to his descendants, nor will it have the power he exercised, because his empire will be uprooted and given to others."

This was getting nowhere, but he decided to investigate each tube. The lights from the ceiling couldn't reach inside the tubes, but Billy #4 figured they could use a little help. Removing his mask, he popped out of the lenses and held it to reflect the light inside. There in the back of each tube was a button, 4 buttons. So which one should he press?

"Guys, haul ass cause we only got thirty seconds!"

While shouting at himself, literally, the pulley system lowering his suspended chair was nearly a foot away from the base of the chair. The legs were already past the homemade explosive device, the Billies could see that time was against them.

Then a miracle happened , Billy #4 had an idea of his own.

Billy #4: " HEY YA'LL, I KNOW WHAT YUR GOIN THROUGH IS PAINFUL, BUT I THINK I GOTS A PLAN. YOU THROUGH HIT THE BUTTON AS FAST AS YOU CAN , I'LL BE ABLE TO TELL WHICH ONE TO HIT FROM MY END. THINK YA'LL CAN DO THAT?

Despite their pain, they did their best to acknowledge that fourth Billy. The 1st did his best to fight his pain, and search for the button with his hands, slowly as to not push it just yet. Number two decided to reach down in the hole, allowing more ants to cross onto his body, primed and ready to bite. Three, took a deep breath and cocked his arm back. Preparing himself to thrust it in the acid, he clenched his fist and reminded himself he only had one shot.

Billy #4: "NOW!"

The first three Billies had accepted their pain and fought through it. All the buttons were pushed at the same time. Screams could be heard form one direction, cursing in another, and relief. Sure enough , three of the buttons located in the back of the tubes had lit up. The one on the far right wasn't. Process of elimination was the winner here. Billy number 4 reach and pu….

*Buzz*

Billy #4: DANG IT!

An unexpected surprise. A buzz saw dropped down from inside the tube, now right in the path of the button. Even though it only nicked the tip of his finger, Billy #4 felt awful as the countdown was at 5….4…3…..2..

Real Billy :" NOOO, PLEASE STOP, !

The chair base was right on top of the device

….1

*FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRTTTTTTTTT *

Real Bill: " huh, what duh"

A confused Billy had closed his eyes shut to prepare for the explosion, but opened them when a fart was all that was produced. Sensing that something was wrong, he dismissed his duplicates. A few seconds later, and the chain was released from the ceiling, dropping the teen on the rest of the device, shatter it only to find marbles, play dough and bent paper clips. Then a voice spoke up.

?: Hey buddy, ya lost your marbles, well ya kind of did thanks to the ants, but at least it wasn't the you you, the you that's you, you being …you. "

Billy: " Who duh hell r you , and what in duh name of ground beef was all that bout?

*Boom* the Television on the ceiling exploded, with confetti and a redish figure emerged, falling to the floor right next to the chair bound teen. The figure landed on his feet, and stared face to face with Billy.

Deadpool: " IT WAS ME, *POINTS AT HIMSELF* I WAS THE TV ALL ALONG , HAH!

Billy: " I DON'T GIVE A HOOT IF U WERE THE GAD DANG ANTS ON MY PECKER, WHAT IN TARNATION DID I JUST GO THROUGH."

Deadpool pulled a knife out and cut the restraints on the chair, freeing Billy.

Deadpool: " Oh just a little social experiment/lesson/youtube video."

*It took 4 pages for us to show up*

( You farted when we were on television, urr, in Television….wait what?

Billy stood up , balling his fist while walking towards Deadpool. Without noticing , two other Billies grabbed Deadpools arms, another two wrapped themselves around his legs like a pair of knee high boots.

Deadpool: " Ooooh, Billy Numerous style boots, manly yes , but I like em too * WHACK* "

Billy had sent his duplicates to subdue Deadpool, and keep him restrained . The real Billy grabed Deadpool by his uniform and pulled him into his fist repeatedly

Real Billy: " Do ya'll have any idea *whack* what I went through? *whack * These ain't just doubles *whack* they ARE ME…

*Army of one?*

( Not in this case )

….I felt everythang you put dem up with *whack* EVERYTHANG *whack* WHAT KIND OF DANG LESSON WAS DAT SUPPOSED TO BE *whack*

Deadpool: " *cough* well first *spit* AH MAN , that was right on my mask.

*it's not like you could've taken it off*

( Would we want to? we got are face back and this twig of a human can actually throw a punch. We might not be looking to good)

Deadpool: " Anyway, the lesson here kids, is that anything can happen at any time…Good…. Bad…..Bad things can happen to good people , Good things can happen to bad people, the best part is….is that right now your brain is trying to figure out why this happened to you. In fact, you may think you're bad so something bad happened to you. Guess what Multiple Man wanna be, I'm not Karma….in fact , Karma is my little bitch. I'm not some vigilante looking to punish evil, I don't even see you as a bad guy, but ya wanna know the funny part? Wanna know why I chose you?

Billy pulled him in closer. Deadpool can feel is breath against his nose where his spit ended up.

Billy: " I'm all ears Mister." Tightening his grip on the merc.

Deadpool , with little movement he could muster, moved his head right at Bill's ear…

Deadpool: " *whisper* a week ago, you bumped into me when you heisted that bank and ran away from the Teen Titans, you made me drop my Chimichanga. There were only so many Mexican restaurants in Jump City, and you ruined my first Chimichanga in my new stomping grounds. "

At that point , Billy remembered bumping into someone with short orange hair and wearing his meal on his shirt…..a product of what became of him bumping into Deadpool, dressed in civilian clothes.

Billy: " Yer tellin me , that I went through all of dat, because I bumped into you ?"

*wait till he hears about what happened to Gizmo*

( poor child)

Deadpool: " Yup, but I had to go to through some shit to get all your information, your buddy Gizmo was more than happy to spill the beans…..heh…there were beans in my Chimichanga *CRIES* NOOOOO! Regardless, I had to tickle his foot with Jinx's fluffy panties to get him to submit. "

Billy : " you just tickled him, and put me through hell?"

Deadpool: " Really? That's your question?"

*not about how we got Jinx's panties?*

(or why they're fluffy?)

Deadpool: " but yeah, if it makes you feel any better I didn't call Jinx the next morning ,"

*three day rule *

(let a playa PLAY!)

Deadpool:" and Gizmo pissed himself. If you reach in my right front pouch I took a selfy with him right when he was mid stream on my Iphone , I remember when I laughed so hard I pissed myself. Luckily I was reading my paper on the toilet

*reverse sitting position*

( Elbows on top)

Deadpool: " *chuckle* oh Marmaduke when will you learn?"

Billy was lost in his own little world. While Deadpool gave his recollection of past events while in Jump City, he realized that this man, did everything in his power to torture him , mentally and physically , all because of a Chimichanga. He knew that the severity of his "punishment" was too much, but did that matter? What if he stepped on his foot? Or if he stepped on his foot and apologized?

Deadpool: " Treat him to a Taco diner and talk about spandex, or I'd step on his foot with cleats."

Billy didn't notice Deadpool's response to the question in his head. He was just shocked that this happened randomly. Everything he knew about Karma, or even justice, went down the toilet. With that in mind he called back his doubles, and walked out of the recently unlocked door, his head still fogged with confusion.

Deadpool: " Hey, don't you wanna hear about what I did to Control Freak, he tripped and fell at the Best Buy and landed on what I bought. His knee landed on my copy of the first season of Arrow and Skyrim, THE JOKE WRITES ITSELF DUDE!

*BTW, is he still knocked out*

( yup)

Deadpool: " Eh don't worry, the TV geek will start to feel it as soon as we get there, and I'll need some popcorn first."

Please Read and Review , One more will be released for Teen Titans, then I'll move on to suggestions on where to send Deadpool next. Thanks Again.


	4. Chapter 4: Deadpool meets Slade!

Again, I don't own Teen Titans , Deadpool, or any of the studios that provided the movies for the various quotes and puns I use.

" Why do I want to die? I thought that would be obvious. Every so often , usually during the Royal Rumble….well not during the rumble, more like when I'm installing a signal splitter to steal…*cough* liberate my neighbors cable, to watch the Rumble. Moving on, I get a big picture moment. It's like sneaking in to theater to catch a flick , except it's a film noir playing the "Greatest Hits" of your memories. You know the ones you stuff in the back of your head. It becomes a "holy shit" moment. Let me give you a sneak peek, I've worked with the Avengers, S.H.I.E.L.D., The X-force, The X-men, Weapon X, in fact there's your analogy of the films rating , XXX because they all fucked me. I'm like the 14 year old fat girl that no one wants to date except when they need their homework done. I'll gladly do it for the right price, then afterwards they completely ignore me, and don't tell anyone that I know them. The big picture…..*sigh* is that I'm reminded of why they keep pushing me aside. *chuckle* it's surprising how human mutants can be, but regardless they all share one thing in common, they fear the unknown, and shit a brick when they find out they can't understand it, even if I wanted them to. Psyclocke, this smoking hot English/Japanese women…I know right, not even a German geneticists would bet on that combo working out. Anyway, she's a telepath. She can get in your head and poke around until she finds your G-spot. Much to my displeasure…..literally…she can't do that to me. No telepath can read my mind. They can get in, but they can't read it. It's helped me out with a bunch of telepath dick heads trying to fuck me in the skull. At the same time though, no one can get a straight answer about my past. You can't trust someone you don't know. The best they can do is label me based on the shit I've done. Everyone thinks I'm a homicidal, bi-polar, emotionally unstable, sociopath with a penchant ( google it , or read a book for a change :P ) for blowing up everything I touch. Carless, unsympathetic, class clown. I'm one of the best at what I do, but no one will even talk to me because they can't control me. They don't care about my skills or my strengths. All they see when they look at me….is a walking cancer put on this planet to get in everyone's way. That's why I wear the mask. Despite everything I just said, there's only one reason why I'm still alive. One very important reason why I'm still livin it up , even though I personally know Death and she's got it bad for me. It's because that everyone thinks I'm this bitch nugget of a prankster, yet they still need me. So when I get that call, I have every right to piss on their boots and make them say "thanks for the shine sir!"

Chapter 3 Part 3:

Don't fear the Reaper, buy her dinner and see where the night takes you!

Robin: (on the phone) *Sigh* thanks commisionar , keep me posted…..yes I understand….look no one is this chaotic, I will find a pattern…..he was a completely different sir and last time I checked he's still at Arkham , your welcome by the way *slam,* Cyborg, that was another Deadpool sighting. The commissioner's sending the crime scene photos from the docks, he's a little frustrated though, so you may want to hack the C.S.I. evidence data back, he may not give us every photo.

Cyborg: Ya think. *typing on the main computer* Should I reply with a frowny face or Pusheen the cat flipin the bird?

Robin only glared at him. Secretly he appreciated Cyborgs…..even Beast Boys candor despite his attitude, but he wanted his team focused on finding Deadpool.

Cyborg: Ooook then. Google eyed awkward stare it is then.

Robin: *facepalm*

Starfire: Robin, I think friend cyborg only wished for you to chill in combination with the relax. We have started the investigation as soon as the Deadpool escaped from the Tower, but….

Robin: *smacks table* But what Star, please "do the enlightening in my direction."

Robin's attempt at sarcasm was worse than Starfire's previous work. In fact this would be a good lesson for Starfire in differentiating sarcastic banter with sardonic banter, if only her eyes weren't filled with tears. Robin can be a cold leader to set an example for his team, but he never wanted to be known as the Titan that insulted Starfire by imitating her difficulties learning idioms and the English language in generally. Instead of verbalizing an apology , he got up with lightning fast speed and imbraced the Tamaranian princess.

Robin: "I…I didn't know that I could be so hurtful Star. That was completely uncalled for..I …I'm …."

Starfire reached around the boy wonder and returned the hug.

Starfire: "Shhhh, I understand. I just hate seeing what you are putting yourself through. I have always admired your tenacious behavior, but not when it turns you into a royal zarcknark."

Cyborg: "*chuckle*"

While embracing each other, Robin was reminded of Starfires uncanny ability to bring the best out everyone….even himself. He pulled his head back and gazed into Starfire's emerald green eyes. He could lose himself for days in her…

Beast Boy: " *RECORD SCREECH*…..umm if you two are gonna start doing what they do on the discovery channel let me grab some popcorn, the only entertainment I've gotten in the last month was flicking paper footballs over Raven's book when she reads it. "

Embarrassing only scratched the surface. They quickly separated with a new shade of crimson on each other's faces.

Raven: " Great job Don Juan De Buzzkill"

Beast Boy: " Thank you."

Robin: Let's just get back to work , ok everyone campfire starting now!

At that moment the team gathered from what would be described as the desk areas of N.C.I.S., Law and Order, and C.S.I. combined. Stacks of police reports towered over the Titans newly acquired desks. Yes, each Titan was given their own work space to concentrate their efforts at profiling Deadpool to predict his movements and ascertain information that may lead to the reasoning behind his colorful spree of passive terror. This did not come without sacrifice. The coach that housed a number of remotes , both television and video game related, magazines, and stains that brought on memories of better times….was removed. A large dry erase board was added to the living area as well. The only reason that living room had to be sacrificed was because the kitchen was near them. Pizza delivery was also sacrificed so they could have food readily available to them. The titans gathered towards the dry erase board, riddled with newspaper articles of Deadpools exploits, pictures of his "victims" and lines connecting the proverbial dots.

Robin: "Let's start from the beginning, *pulls out his staff as a pointer* Deadpool's first reported criminal activity was at the at the Jump City public library. Witness statements put Deadpool at the far corner of Bea and Arthur *points at map*..

Raven: "Secuirty cameras have Deadpool on tape spray painting the street signs, when local police tried to intervene ….*cringe* he unzipped his suit and waved his penis at them…why did I have to be the one to uncover that?"

Beast Boy: " I though Deadpool was the one "uncovering," HAH!...*crickets* …um *cough* anyway, the next day I talked with some of homeless dudes who hung out at the library. They said he bolted towards the "DC Klub" where he apparently *pulls out report * and I quote "busted out some sick moves and had da bitches droolin over his hard ba donk a donk." Lucky me….

Cyborg: " I analyzed his movements from the security cameras at the klub, there's a time skip when Deadpool was within a yard of them, then came back on when he went back to the dance floor."

Robin: " *points stick at hand drawn map* This is a rough sketch…

Beast Boy: "that's putting it mildly Picasso*Raven raised her fist * ..Really?"

Raven: " That was an accurate cultural reference , so I figured if I gave you a fist bump you'd put a little more thought in your jokes, so far so good *BUMP*."

Robin: *hits map with a loud WHACK* AHEM… this BEAUTIFUL WORK OF TIME AND EFFORT, helped in determining that he was dancing to guess the range of his security camera scrambler, turns out it was a JAM03/V model with the range of only a couple of meters. The signal would jam the cameras and he'd be able to go unseen until his jammer would be out of range. "

Starfire: " At the time, the klub was having a fund raiser for the " Wounded Warriors" program. The police assumed he was after the money, but I knew he was a man with "sticky fingers"

That made Robin remember the moment he knew Deadpool was up to no good. When he groped Starfire's butt. Everyone in Jump City knew who Starfire was. They knew she was incredibly strong and could defend herself, but when it came to Earth's customs, she was naïve at best. Deadpool was out through most of his time after he was ejected from the portal, so how could he have known that Starfire wouldn't kill him when he took advantage of her? When Starfire hugged him, he knew how strong she was. Robin's well trained instincts kicked in , and realized that Deadpool had to have experience in profiling people he could manipulate. Deadpool thought of Starfire as easy prey, a skill that most criminals had possessed.

Starfire: " Most of the attendance at the event were meta humans, local law enforcement, as well as members of the criminal enterprises."

Raven: " I guess when it came to disabled veterans , they showed a little sympathy."

Starfire: " Everyone has the heart Raven. So I Politely asked everyone to empty their pockets. Nothing of value was confiscated , but some noticed that a few items went missing from their person * Pulls out inventory* the only items that they could remember hiding in the pouches were certificates of purchases."

Robin: " After interviewing everyone, we found out they the "Receipts" were from local restaurants within a 10 mile radius from the klub. The fundraiser served alcohol and appetizers that weren't up to pair with everyone's taste buds, or vice versa. So I concluded that they went to eat somewhere before the event. At that point , that's where Deadpool started his attacks on the heroes and the villains of Jump City. He could track any of them from their local eatery, follow them , and *WHACK* begin his reign of terror. "

Beast Boy: " Drama bomb…"

Cyborg: " Except for one thing *tying* this software I designed picked up similarities from the smallest detail when detecting patterns of criminal activity, so far Nadah, zip, zilch, zero!"

Robin: " There has to be one, so far he's been consistent with everything except when it came to the crime itself. Pull up every incident by date. "

Cyborg:" Gotcha bossman *type , type , type , click , DING* First on the list was Pantha….we found her beaten up pretty bad in an alley behind "Pollos Hermanos" a local chicken joint a few block away. Apparently eyewitnesses statements only had one thing in common, a dude with orange hair lured her behind the restaurant and from there , well look at the photos *click*…

The images were from pictures taken by members of the Titans East Branch. Pantha was admitted to the hospital under an alias so this could be handled internally and respect her wishes not to be profiled. She sustained numerous injuries including two black eyes that stood out for one reason…

Cyborg: " Deadpool stole her mask, she was so ashamed that she didn't want anyone to see her…*click* Next up…*click* Johnny Rancid. "

Beast Boy: " This is where it gets odd. Deadpool showed up to Johnny's usual tattoo parlor in his red and black suit, while Johnny was getting some new ink. It was an angel from a Led Zepplin's albums. Johhny asked for the artist to draw it walking up a set of stairs towards the sun. Deadpool asked the artist to to the same to him with a slight difference that he whispered in the artist ear. Turns out Deadpool took off his suit right there and asked for it , but the angel in this case was the devil heading down a flight of stairs towards the *flips pages in notes* "Nightosphere." They both paid for 8 hours of work, all they talked about was motor cycles , rock music , and food. They drank a decent amount of tequila as well. After they were down Johnny asked if he could see it, and this is the odd part, Deadpool whips out his katana , looks in the mirror and cuts out his entire back skin where the tattoo was, and hands it to Johnny. Believe it or not Johnny still has it in his apartment"

Robin:" And it continue to get stranger."

Robin takes the mouse away from Cyborg and works his way quickly through each incident

Robin: " He kidnaps Speedy then dresses him up in a sombrero , passed out, dehydrated, and he tested positive for amphetamines, *click* handcuffed Aqualad to a boat and forced him to watch him go fishing for 12 hours*click* throws eggs at Cinderblock until he fell off a building *click* held an arcade hostage while he played Street Fighter with Dr. Light *click* …and Jinx….public indecency in multiple locations…*click* finally we have the Gizmo/Bill Numerous incident. Does anyone see a pattern , or anything that stands out from what we usually deal with?"

Beast Boy: *raises hand* umm, he didn't kill anyone.

*ring*

Cyborg: " Home of the whopper , what's your beef?...uh huh….Oh. Thank you."

Cyborg was silent. He quickly grabbed the mouse from Robin and downloaded the crime scene photos from the commissioner. *click*

Cyborg: " BB, you were right on the money a minute ago, those crime scene photos , it was one of the wounded warriors that were at the party. *click* look at this.

Even Raven's jaw dropped at the sight of one of the soldiers hanging from a rope, by the neck. This one in particular was of Donald Martin. He fell into a deep depression when he lost his arm in Afghanistan, and was discharged from the Marines. Cyborg zoomed in on another picture. It was his body lying on the street after the cops brought him down from a tree that the kids used as a swing set. What stood out was that his other arm and both of his legs were dismembered. A note was left on chest.

"Finished the job, your welcome!"

-DP

Robin: " Titans…..fan out and search for Deadpool, I don't care if you have to browbeat every low life in this city, just as long as you find him."

Jump City Mall Food Court.

"Loco de la Cabasa" restaurant

Deadpool was out of his suit and in his civilian clothes eating enchiladas with both green and red salsa. He was a little preoccupied , and seemed abnormally tense. This was one of the rare occasions where his mouth stayed shut for more than an hour. Usually he could talk and eat at the same time. What was going through his head that would cause him to let him be alone with his thoughts.

Deadpool: " Guys….I'm in big trouble…."

*No shit Benedict Cumberbatch*

( It was an accident, you didn't mean to)

Deadpool: " I just need to relax and …..I CAN'T TAKE IT, WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING."

Without hesitation, Deadpool grabbed his plate and through it on the floor, shattering it to where everyone in the food court could hear it. All eyes were on him, then he finally spoke.

Deadpool: " Ladies and Gentleman, I have to tell you something that will shock you…there is a criminal in this food court * He lifts his hand and point …..at the plate he through on the floor?* THAT ENCHELIDA IS AN ARSONIST , HE IS CURRNTLY SETTING FIRED IN PEOPLES MOUTHS, AHHHH

*It was your own fault ya idiot *

( How were we supposed to know that "Bhut Jolokia" on the menu was the ghost pepper?)

*All you had to do was ask*

(We don't speak Spanish)

*Que?*

(Dick)

The public couldn't help but laugh at Deadpool. Despite causing mischief across town, he knew how to have a good time without causing anyone harm, usually that was by doing it to himself. Then all hell broke loose, this time it wasn't Deadpool passing a Ghost Pepper fart. Every Television in the mall was currently on the local news station.

News Anchor: " Breaking news from the streets of Jump City. Last night a body was discovered hanging in a local playground . It was found dismembered with a noose around his neck, hanging from a tree that once held a tire swing. Police discovered the identity of the perpetrator is this man , Wade Wilson A.K.A. Deadpool.

Now hiding under his table, again alone with his thoughts, Deadpool was even more confused when he tried to translate Indo/Aryan for the pepper into English when he thought it was Spanish.

Deadpool: " Okay, you guys know I didn't do that right?"

*DUH*  
( Are you joking right now)

Deadpool: " HEY, look at how hot that news anchor is. Does she look like someone who would lie?"

*yes*

( DUH)

Deadpool: " How?"

Both *( she's a women)*

Deadpool: *facepalm* point taken. Wait a minute….Oh …Heh , HAHAHAAH!

*SHHH*

( What was that for)

Deadpool: " I just figured it out, someone is trying to draw us out.. and I know who"

*so are you going to tell us*

( And hurry before people come at us with pitch forks and rubber dicks)

Deadpool: "I'd rather do a scene transition that skips the how, and leads us straight to the ass hat who did this."

_SCENE TRANSITION_

On the outskirts of Jump City, there was a man who kept himself hidden from the public. A cave covered by debris was the hideout of one of the most sought after mercenaries the world had ever known, Deathstroke the Terminiator, in this city howveer he was better known by his alias Slade. Inside the hollow cavern was his base of operations. Filled with everything a trained soldier needed to stay sharp and continue to improve his skills. Armory , training area, sleeping quarters, advanced computer tech, and a warehouse filled with tools and equipment for various weaponry experimentations. And there, sitting in a fully functioning Star Trek like command chair, was Slade himself. No one knew where he had set up shop in Jump City, not even the Boy Wonder could deduce where or even who he was. No one except….

Deadpool: " LUCY! YOU GOTS SOME SPLAINING TO DO *fake Cuban accent*

Slade: " I see you've found my lair, kudos Deadpool. Or should I call you Wade? Regardless , you have a number in your back in no time with an orange jumpsuit pounding rocks and jail ass for the next 25 to life."

Deadpool: " Unless?"

Slade: " Unless what?"

Deadpool: " Don't dumb with me, you one eyed James Bond villain reject. You wanted me out in the open for a little pow wow, so spill it * Pulls out katanas* or I'll spill your guts out and spell " Eat at Joe's" with your blood and hang YOU by your neck with your intestines , locking your fingers in place to give a thumbs up.

Slade: " Very well, if it safe my ears from you mindless banter. *stands up* You see, nothing happens in this city without me knowing it. Say for instance , a portal that leads to an alternate dimension just so happens to open over Titans Tower."

Deadpool: " It could happen, in a fanfic maybe."

Slade: "Charming, we both know you can't bullshit your way out of this. I saw you fall out of that portal, Deadpool. Then I was at a cross roads with myself."

Deadpool: "Been there , done that, in fact they wrote graphic novels about it and hopefully a movie"

Slade: " So I asked myself…"

Deadpool: " You do that too…we have so much in common *nudge nudge * *wink wink*, oh sorry , you probably shouldn't wink with only one eye"

Slade: " SHUT UP YOU IMBECILE! How did an idiot , low class mercenary like yourself have the ability to cross between worlds, so I conjured this plan to bring you out. It was a play on your own little pranks you've been pulling, except I took it to the next level, forcing you to come out. So how did you do it?"

Deadpool: " You insult me, frame me for murder, and I'm assuming we're going to fight if I don't tell you , all because you want to go an a magic carpet ride?"

Slade: " What carpet, what in the bloody hell does that have to do with anything?"

Deadpool: " Absolutely nothing, because I'm not telling you *points at head* when I have a secret, it is gone forever buddy, not even a telepath can pry my head open. Plus if you really did see everything then you know I can heal myself from practically anything. That gives me the added bonus of being immune to all truth serums."

Slade: " Well *pulls out Katanas* I could just restrain you, then have a group of wild boars feat on your body, let you regenerate, then have them feast on you again and again until you tell me the truth, *motions katana to neck* then I can just lop your head off"

Deadpool: " I…..I did not think of that…..So we're going to fight aren't we?"

Slade: " Obviously!"

Deadpool: " Ok , Uh reader, to better your experience play Korn's Got the Life, OH SHIT!"

Slade's blades nearly met with Deadpools head. Instinct kicked in and he crossed katanas , covering it. Deadpool let Slades weight go against his, lowering his body just enough to use spring his back leg up and use the other to knee Slade in the chin , sending him back. Using this advantage, Deadpool sprinted forward and slid under Slades legs, holding up to sever his utility belt. He grabbed it and opened every pouch, and slung it in Slades direction. A barrage of bombs , throwing stars, caltrops , and every other weapon in his arsenal was in Slades field of vision . It was easy enough for him to avoid, but first he sent his katanas flying behind him, then doing back hand spring after another until he figured out what the last weapon was in his belt was, harmless. Slade stopped doing flips, stood his ground and caught his Katanas with flawless precision, then he remembered why the last weapon was harmless. Smoke bomb. It landed right at his feet, shrouding him in a cloud. Deadpool used a similar bomb before, so once he caught a glance of it he dashed towards Slade while he was avoiding the rest of the weapons. He performed a swift butterfly kick , causing him to spin in a horizontal motion with his katanas in the same fashion towards the other mercenary that was blinded by the smoke. However , their katanas met again , much to Deadpools surprise. They were at yet another stalemate.

Slade: " Did you really think I wouldn't know how to fight blind?"

Deadpool: " Oh right the eye thing, I should of known, I could've made so many jokes from that, I thought I had an "eye" for detail."

Slade: " I'm going to enjoy torturing you , right after I cut out your tongue, if only to have a few moments of silence."

Deadpool: " " Eye"had no "eye"-dea were so cruel."

Slade: " You don't stand a chance, regardless of my eye, I can read your moves, you were dead the moment you met me."

Deadpool: " Well read my brown lips"

*FAAAAAAAAARTTTTTTTTTTT*

Slade: " AHHH, YOU FUCKING IDIOT * COUGH* *COUGH*, WHAT DID YOU EAT?"

Deadpool: " I couldn't pronounce it if I tried, but you forgot one thing"

Slade : " *cough * WHAT"

Deadpool: " *german accent* I have a belt too, ho ho HOOO!"

Knowing Slade couldn't see from his right side due to his missing eye, wade used the advantage of the smoke bomb to place a small block of C4 with a timer on Slade person without his knowledge, at this point, the number was at 5…4..3..Slade ran the other direction , grabbing the bomb and throwing it, but it exploded 1 second short. Even though it didn't kill him the shock wave sent Slade flying into the cavern wall, shattering a few stalactites that fell right on him.

Deadpool: " Should have mentioned that I had a short Fuse."

*NAILED IT*

( Indeed)

Deadpool: *bending down to talk to the trapped Slade* By the way….wait for it…."

Robin: " HOLD IT RIGHT THERE DEAD….Slade?"

The Titans had traced Deadpools Security camera jammer , and traced it to the cave before the signal faded when he went in. Deadpool wasn't surprised.

Deadpool: "Hey everyone, glad you could make it. Turns out this douche was trying to frame me for that soldier playing hang man in the park, but don't let me tell you about it, LET'S GO TO THE VIDEO."

Deadpool pulls out a Kindle Fire, and opens an app for local news.

News Anchor: "A breakthrough in the Wounded Warrior Murder case, it turns out that the anonymous tip we received was inaccurate. It turns out the man local law enforcement are looking for is named Slade Wilson. Although we are still unsure of his current description, we now have an eye witness to co-berate the latest suspect as the murderer. Plus it seems that the ring of criminal acts among Jump City's villains and hero's alike seem to have been committed by the same suspect as well

At this point, Slade was thankful that he wore a mask. His face went from "stone cold killer" to " Paranoid tweeker" in a matter of seconds. Deadpool had showed the Kindle right in Slade's face, pulling it back in forth to mock the legendary mercenary currently covered in rubble.

Slade: "This does NOTHING you imbecile!"

Deadpool: " This doesn't, but you'll shit a brick when I explain it to you."

*If he shits a brick …in the rubble , how would we know which one it is*

( To I have to point it out for you)

*That'd help*

(*Facepalm*)

Deadpool: " Turns out that the Wounded Warrior party sent out invitations, I mean, who sends invitations to something like that , *mockingly* "Please join us in remembering these heroic soldiers by gathering and crying with people missing limbs, burnt faces, and PTSD up the A.S.S," however technology is a wonderful thing, ya see they have a mailing list of people who served in the U.S. Army, they don't look at the names of the people they email the invitations to…. but I did ! A little research and I found another Wilson to put the blame on, and since his name was Slade,* chuckle* I thought I'd give a little anonymous tip to the police, just like you did to me.

Slade: " !"

Deadpool: " I mean I have no idea who this Slade guy is, but he sounds like a complete Douche. *Takes out police file* Blah blah blah, Served in Korea, blah blah, Metahuman experiments, Skilled with swords yada yada yada *continues * Ouch….suspected statutory rapists with ….well let's just call her…um …Perra ..

Beast Boy:" who?"

Deadpool: " Doesn't matter, the fact is this sounds a lot like that guy that's been doing all of these pranks, acts of violence and kinky sex acts with skinny teens …

*I THOUGHT JINX WAS 18?*

(She is , just listen)

Slade: " Are you trying to frighten me? They have a picture of you without your mask on. I bet even money that you were carless enough to leave skin cells."

Deadpool: " Oh I left more than that, watching Gizmo piss himself made me want to go too. I snuck off and drained the one eyes snake on some random building."

Slade: " My point exactly."

Deadpool: " Once catch though, even though I came out of my mothers special place, it was in another dimension, not only do I not have a record here, no birth certificate, drivers license, if this were the Matrix I wouldn't even have been plugged."

*Phrasing*

(Dirty)

Deadpool: " Bottom line, the police will be looking for a Slade Wilson, suspect in numerous criminal actities, good with a blade, dresses up in skin tight uniforms, having copious amounts of sex with a girl well under his age."

*SHE WAS 18…wasn't she?*

(YES !)

Slade: " THEY HAVE YOUR PHOTO YOU IDIOT, SLADE WILSON LOOKS NOTHING LIKE YOU DO"

Deadpool: " and how would you know that? The only way that this "Slade Wilson" character get's off…"

*PHRASING *

Deadpool: " is that this "Slade" guy needs to turn himself in….show his face…be part of the system…because there's no record of this guy either.

Slade: "WHAT?"

Deadpool: " Gizmo has a penchant for deleting provocative ohotos and records

(Little perv)

Deadpool: " So I asked him to do one more. Now the punch line. The only way that this "Slade" guy is going to prove his innocence, is to convince the police that he's not ME, but who would ever think that …HAHAHAHAHH! SUCK IT DC UNIVERSE! 

The Titans stood there in aww of the crimson mercenary. He had created the most elaborate and well thought out cover story.

Deadpool: " So now that's out of the way , it's time to pack my pouches and get back to the fun of being me *whistle*."

As Deadpool headed towards the cave, he past the dumbfounded Titans with the exception of Robin. The inquisitive adolescent still had unanswered questions.

Robin: " I need to talk to you."

Deadpool: "outside then"

Walking towards the entrance , Deadpool took one last look at the rest of the Titans. His gaze met Starfire….he then blew her a kiss.

Deadpool: *smootch*

And threw it her direction.

Starfire * Catch* *Drop* *STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP*

Robin grabed Deadpools arm and yanked him outside, while Deadpool motioned his hand in the shape of a phone:

Deadpool: "Call me …OWWW fine am right behind …firkin Peter Pansy.

Robin: " So, you had nothing to do with that soldiers death?"

Deadpool: " Actually, it turns out he was dead before Slade cut him up, as much as it pains me to say this , he did commit suicide. Some soldiers can't take civilian life , I guess being at that party brought back some bad memories….it sucks, but grow up kid. Even soldiers can have their weak moments."

Robin:" And what about everything you did? You just stood there and blamed this "Slade Wilson" for things you admitted to doing.

Deadpool: " Yup….

Robin: " Why did you do all of that?"

Deadpool: " Honestly, I was just looking to party, I saw the lights at the klub, snuck in, and then I realized I was hungry, you guys have like zero taste in Mexican cuisine so I just picked pocketed everyone to find some receipts to local places that serviced to costumed dudes like myself. The rest was just on a whim."

Robin: "So beating up superheroes , skinning yourself in public , scaring Bill to death, having sex with Jinx in at a public park..

Deadpool: " and the zoo, her apartment , in your room."

Robin: " what "

Deadpool :" nothing"

Robin:" ….. all of that was just because you wanted to."

Deadpool: " Basically, *looks at wrist* oh would you look at the time , the big hand is on Fuck and the little hand is on Off. Besides you have bigger things to deal with , I know your pissed, but Slade will rip you and everyone else apart just to get the hell out of dodge."

Robin: "What ? Why?"

Deadpool: " You're kidding right, I just …..you didn't connect the dots?"

Robin: " Dots?"

Deadpool:" No wonder you couldn't find out who Slade was, 65 episodes and you can't see what's right in front of you…JEEZUM CROW DUDE, how do you put on your panties and tights without any help? ERIS…. TAXI !

*BOOM* Space and time , ripped into a portal right in front of Deadpool. Robin could shield his eyes from the debris and wind. He grabbed a nearby tree and watched as the environment changed in the same manner when Deadpool first arrived. Parting his fingers to see through his hand, Robin saw Deadpool jump in the portal and gave him the finger. Deadpool knew the Titan could see him, so he left him with a few words of wisdom.

Deadpool: " See this , what did this remind you of, AHHH this is perfect…wait for it. "

The portal began to shrink around Deadpool. It reached the outer perimeter of his upper torso when he finally spoke .

Deadpool: " Th-Th-Th-Th THAT'S ALL FOLKS!.

_Seen Transition_

Eris's Palace

From planets to galaxies, solar systems and universes. These were decorations that adorned her space like interior. Stars made her limitless ceiling look like a planetarium exhibit, especially the Zociac constellations that came alive to do her bidding. Right in the middle, from what looked like a single platform in empty space , sat Eris on her regal throne. Then….came Deadpool.

Deadpool: " umm, ok so it may looked like that I helped out, but.."

Eris: " You helped them alright. You helped the heroes of Jump city , as well as the villains, that nothing is predictable when it comes to the people they encounter. Everyone in that city has become paranoid beyond comprehension. All because you wanted to get something to eat…..and you followed your instincts. Good and bad is based on human perception Deadpool, skinning your tattoo, mentally manipulating that annoying Billy, holding up an arcade to play games… all of it was because you were looking for a meal at the restuarants they frequented..,, you have not only served me well….

Eris's smile …sometimes that could go either direction. After that smile…citites can be destroyed, brothers can fight to the death, whole nations can crumble.

Eris: "in fact..

She teleported right behind Deadpool, causing him to jump a little and turn in her direction.

Eris: you made me …*whisper* Wet…

Deadpool: " So Deadpool did good?"

Eris: "So good in fact, the next world I'm sending you will be quite a challenge. This one in particular has their own creature dedicated to causing chaos and disharmony, you could say that "Discord" is his nom de plume.

Deadpool: " If that's French for sexual position then I'll need a few minutes to scrub up and…..

Eris:" Bon voyage mon amore.

A snap of her fingers was all it took for Deadpool to shut up mid sentence…..and the new portal she created as well.

Deadpool: " AH COME OOOOOOONNNNNNN!"

And just like that, he was sent through the vortex. Although back in jump city, there was one issue that was unresolved…well there were more than one obviously , but this one is of great mention.

_scene change_

Jinx: *sitting on her bed* If he doesn't call in the next hour I'm going to blow up every store that has even the smallest amount of chocolate * Sniff *.

_scene change_

Deadpool was being hurled through the vortex on his way to a specific world that Eris believes would be a challenge. Despite not having a grasp on gravity or the concept of what maybe up or down in this context , Deadpool was preoccupied with where he might be going. Eris hired Deadpool to cause havoc and chaos across worlds, but for what reason? Is this some divine rule about gods/goddesses not being able to interfere with the course of mortal development. It sure wasn't because she wanted to destroy them, people can do that on their own while providing entertainment for Eris. This is true for Deadpool's world, but could there be worlds where forces of harmony triumph over chaos as an absolute law?

Deadpool: " Is anyone else getting a Dr. Who vibe from this vortex?"

*TOTALLY*

( Allons-y!)

I guess that question won't be answered by these geniuses

Deadpool: " I heard that ….oh SHIT!"

He had reached his destination, so the portal re opened and ejected Deadpool over what seemed like ….

_seen change_

Deadpool: "* while falling* My body lies over the ocean. My head's hanging over the rail. I really hate to pollute the ocean. Will someone please bring me a pail? *SPLASH*"

Unconscious…not really what he had planned for an entrance.

_seen change_

^oww my aching head, I thought water was supposed to soften my fall.^

*Hey look , he decided to join us, welcome to your head.*

( Water is actually more dense than ice)

^ What? How come no one informed me?^

*Shh I hear something*

( You better come to your senses and find out before we get violated)

After finally meeting his other personalities, it was time to get back to reality. Deadpool didn't want the same thing to happen like in Jump City, so he decided to fake being asleep, and kept his eyes closed while listening to whoever had found him.

?: " Is he going to be ok?

?: " Shucks, I reckon after that crash he'd be a few apples short of a bushel."

?: " Oh my!

?: " You're scaring her.

?: " It'll be fine darling, you were so brave helping out a stranger like that."

?: " Uhh hello, I was the one who jump in , how about some props for yours truly?"

?: " Very well then , thank you for your incredible ability to hear Fl?Y give you a command.

?: " I TAKE ORDERS FROM NO ONE"

?: " Umm that was just a suggestion , I'm sorry that came out too strong, I'll be quitter next time."

*Dude, It's a bunch of chicks, worried about us, SYMPATHY POINTS*

( Do the "wake up slowly " act, don't forget to mention that we were fighting in the war and that's how we ended up here)

*What war?*

( Chicks dig fallen soldiers)

Deadpool: " uhhg, man that hurt, I was just dropping a crate of food and preserves from our plane to a bunch of starving children in …*really fast* whatevercountrythisis… when my parachute didn't open and my ….*eyes widened * Did I just enter a plushies and furries convention .. if so my safety word is " Please , please , please stop it" If I only say it two times that means keep going"

? : " Safety word, Is that a special phrase you use to keep you safe from evil, like a spell ? What happens if you say that to someone else who's saying that same spell, because I heard if two wizards cast the same spell it goes *BOOM* and *KAPPOW * and then everyone goes out for pancakes."

Deadpool: " ….What?"

?:" Apple Jack, Winona's muzzle"

Apple Jack:" Gotcha sugar cube"

Deadpool: " Wait…..you're ….no…NOOO….It ..NO WAY. "

?: " I think somepony is still a bit foggy from the bonk on the head, "

Deadpool: " Some….pony…..Oh NO …

Again, trapped within the confines of a hospital bed with the sudden urge to pull of his sheet and see what the damage is.

Dead-pony: " *FSHHH* WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?"

**FIND OUT WHAT'S IN STORE FOR DEADPOOL…DEADPONY, IN MY NEXT SERIES. **


End file.
